Thursday, May 8, 2008

Here we go again...

Well, we started our 5th cycle this week. We debated about doing another cycle, but the money was provided and it worked out perfect before we leave for the summer.

I am honestly numb about it. I was praying to the Lord today. I feel like I haven't prayed about this cycle like the other cycles. However, I know He is "El Roi" the God who sees. So, he knows my heart and my longings. Yet, I know he commands me to pray too. So, I was praying about God being the creator of the earth and quoted the scripture I have taught Jadyn "in the beginning God created heaven and earth." Then I went to the scriptures today and He gave me the same sweet words I was praying...... (El Roi)
"happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that this is in them, who keeps truth forever. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord raises those who are bowed down." ps 146

These verses just challenged me to remember who is in control. Who is the maker of all things.

As I gave myself three shoots tonight, Jadyn would say,"mommy, what you doing?" "Giving myself a shot." She would say, "oh, ok" My heart just broke...why does it have to be this way for me? This is not fun "making a baby." Those are my thoughts and feelings but they pass.
The truth is that life could be allot worse! So many people can't afford to do fertility or adopt and their arms are empty. Mine aren't. :) Thank you Lord!


Emily said...

jill..i was wondering about your dr appt the other day. but our conversation was cut short so i didnt get to ask you about it. you know we are all praying for you. love you!

Parks Avenue said...

I hope that things go well. I can relate to the shots, not before pregnancy, but as soon as we found out on. I was on several injections to help maintain the pregnancy. We are praying! I hope you have a good Mother's Day!
-annie parks

The Hudgins said...

jill, glad i found out about your blog tonight. without it i might not have known about this cycle. now i can focus my prayers for you guys. we really enjoyed the fellowship tonight and are so grateful for your friendship.

--Shelley said...

Happy Mothers Day! love you.

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

Thinking about and praying for you.
Love you bunches-

Donna said...

Love you Jill! I thought of you today hearing that song by casting crowns about "the voice of truth". The voice of truth says Do not be afraid- this for My glory.

Delta Kelly said...

hey friend, just now looked at your blog - i am a little behind. i will pray for you today. love you

annieck said...

Hi Jill! I'm so excited to find your blog. :)
I had no idea you were going through this. I'll be praying.

Kristin said...

We're praying, Jill.

Love you!

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

Still praying for you, Jill-o. What's teh update?