Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Obviously I don't work on this blog AT ALL! Don't make the time nor have the time! How do you mom's do it?
Well, it's no different day...I am just older. I was hoping that my birthday present would be that I was pregnant.
However, the Lord has chosen to say, "no' or "wait" for the last four costly cycles of injections that we have done. Two cycles ago I did get pregnant but than I miscarried because my levels were so low.
I know God is good and He does not sleep. He is "El Roi" the God who sees. He knows my heart and my longings. He has given me a godly, wonderful husband and a precious, beautiful,fun-hearted daughter.
I truly have to make a "will choice" to not compare my life to my fertile friends (who I love) but compare to those who suffer with throat cancer or those with no hope or those who lost their child at birth....those circumstances bring me contentment. (these things have happened are happening to some of my friends/family)
As the song says..." I chose to say blessed be thy name."
My heart does hurt and I long for a second child more than anything. I want Jadyn to have a sibling. However, our "undivided" time together is priceless.
My thoughts that I battle are..."am I not a good mother?" Do you not know ,Lord, that I will raise children to honor and love you?" BUT intellectually I know that God 's thoughts are higher than my thoughts.
HE is showing me HIS character, grace and love. I would not have know this if I had not gone through all of this and during the pre-Jadyn time.
Casey so encourages me to look at the college girls lives that I disciple and it does encourage to me to see the labor in their lives........it does....but you moms know it's not the same. :)
As I prayed this morning...."Lord, I pray 30 years from now when I am 60 that my life will glorify you." Jadyn will be almost 33 years old....wow... oh, how I long for her to love God/people more than I do.
Posted by Jill Williamson at 11:32 AM