Jill 's Journey

Mardi Gras

2010-02-16T07:58:00.000-08:00

Casey wasn't able to go the parade because he was sick. So, Uncle Caleb took his place.We had allot of fun but it was so cold! Jadyn took home beads, stuffed animals and a double ear infection! Casey walked in her room after rest time the other day and beads and stuffed animals were everywhere on the floor. He asked her why she threw all of her stuff in her bedroom floor. She said her bed was the parade and she was throwing it to the people. Happy Mardi Gras!

7 months and growing!

2010-02-16T07:53:00.000-08:00

2010-01-15T18:09:00.000-08:00

Latest family picture taken at my parents house in December. Lord-willing next year there will be a sweet little boy in the picture with us! He is all Jadyn talks about. She and I made snowflakes the other day and she wanted to make him one. She constantly wants to talk about him and prays for him for every meal and bedtime.

I spotted a little the other day bc I overdid it. Of course my mind goes to the worst.... I told my mom I hate thinking that way but the first person I think of is Jadyn .....ok, everything is fine...dont want to chase that rabit.

Jadyn turns four tomorrow. Maybe i'll post some pics of her princess birthday party. The girls are getting their make up done and finger nails and toe nails painted...should be fun...looking so forward to it and for it to be over! haaa

Jonathan God has given

2009-12-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

Well, it's a boy and we have decided to name him Jonathan "God has given" or "gift" Jadyn 's name means "God has heard." I love the sound of Jadyn and Jonathan together. Casey and I just wanted a name with meaning. I still can't believe I am pregnant! I will be 19 weeks tomorrow.
Jadyn prays for her baby brother constantly...when we eat dinner, on Sunday am, night time devotional,on the way to school..."God, help my baby brother grow in my mommy's tummy." It's so sweet. She asked me to throw her on the bed tonight (a tradition her dad does after bath). So, I did and she said, "that was good..you didn't hurt baby Jonathan?"

Where to start?

2009-10-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

I have no idea where to start since it's been almost a year since i have blogged. I know it wont be consistent, but maybe every now and then. I think I more addicted to facebook...and I feel this guilt when I am on the computer all the time....I always think what could I be reading or doing etc...I ignored the guilt tonight.

Let's see.....

The last couple of months have been a whirlwind!

found I was pregnant

My mom had a stroke

financial challenges in our family/ministry...............................yet God has been so Faithful.

Pregnant! Casey and I wanted a baby two years ago. So, we aggressively tried with 5 injection cycles. I could write a book on that in itself. 4 failed and one miscarriage. This past summer I think was the hardest few months of our life...strains of beach project, traveling , wisdom teeth, and the longing of wanting another child.

Casey' s mom really has been so good for me in the fact that she has walked in my same shoes. She watched her siblings and friends pop out babies while she couldn't. I dont know why God has allowed this but I am grateful for so many reasons. I feel like I know Him in a deeper, unique way. He has taught me that He is still good even when I dont get what I want. He has made the gospel sweeter to me. I feel I enjoy Jadyn so much more. I literally dont get much done around the house bc I am playing with her and just enjoying her....GRACE, grace...God's grace. (however, of course there are times I want my time)

Casey 's mom knew a doctor from Dothan, Al who gave me medicine that lowered insulin and estrogen that helped me ovulate...and on the third month it worked. When I saw positive on that pregnancy text...I fell to the floor weeping. I couldn't believe it. I am now 12 weeks and still get nervous at time but I know who allowed me to get pregnant and I cant controll anything. We are so looking forward to another child...and a sibling for Jadyn.

2009-03-25T20:05:00.000-07:00

In Feb we all went to the St. Rosa beach to Lindseys aunt's beach house for Mardi Gras break. It was a fun get away. The beach was so cold! It's fun having Jamie apart of the family. Who would ever have known that the freshman girl I met 5 years ago would be my future sister in law. It's such a blessing and a joy. I look forward to the years ahead!

Halloween

2008-11-15T20:46:00.000-08:00

All of our staff and children went trick or treating.....It was so much fun for all of us. This is only a few of the children.

Jadyn, our cinderella, running for more candy!

Does Jadyn know how to smile or what???

2008-11-15T20:43:00.000-08:00

2008-11-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

Casey painting our ceilings...check out those legs!
Our kitchen floor..... one of my favorite things about this house

Jadyn's new friends Hanah and David. Mom came down too to help us......what would we do without 'Nanna"

Unloading the truck...

Watching Casey in front of me leaving Hammond for good.....was way too tired to be sad.

Facebook | Photos of You

2008-10-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

Facebook Photos of You

On the move again!

2008-10-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

We found a house! God has heard our prayer. We wanted a house with a big den and kitchen and this is it. I love it! This was the first house we saw, and I knew it was perfect. I just didn't know if God was going to open the door. Casey and I laid in bed every night praying about this house. We prayed that we would be close to friends (1.2 miles from our driveway to theirs) , close to campus (7 minutes away) and close to Casey's office ( 3 minutes), good neighborhood and that the owners would lower their price.... All answered... to God be the glory...

We close on 28th.... wow.... I can't believe it! Here is the link to our future house. Can't wait to paint and decorate.

Kids say the funniest things!

2008-09-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

Jadyn is saying the funniest things these days. She saw my freckles and said:
J-what's that Mommy?
me- those are freckles . I have them on my face too. (as I took her finger and pointed them out)
J- I don't have freckles (as she looked at her legs)
J- Somebody needs to get me some!
How funny! I am going to remind of her of this dialogue if she does get them.

Casey giving Jadyn a bath:
Jadyn had a TT accident at the park. She came home very wet! Casey put her in the bath.
J- Daddy, my tinie (what we call her priviate) is wet. I can't wait to wash it!

Laying Jadyn down last night:

me- I enjoyed going to the park with you today, Jadyn. (looking at her in the crib)
J- and I enjoyed exercising, mommy!

What they pick up???

It is well with my soul!

2008-09-10T18:49:00.000-07:00

Casey and I celebrated eight years of marriage yesterday. Well, I wouldn't call it celebrated. Jadyn was sick so we really just took care of her. We layed in bed playing "remember when." Casey asked me what was my favorite married memories...I have so many. It was neat he asked me that because I had spent that day looking at old journal entries where I had written about him over the past several years.

Some wonderful memories that came to my mind were our vacations together. We took one every year before Jadyn was born. Casey and I were both raised in homes where that was important so we both still value "get aways." We had six years together before we had Jadyn which wasn't our plan, but it did give us time to make good memories and enjoy each other and learn each other....... there were fights too!

Other memories: first year of marriage and living on a 400 acre farm! I could write a book on that! So funny! Moving to a city we had never seen......so, of course some of my favorite memories are in Hammond, La. It is where our family began, starting a ministry from ground-up, being a mom, decorating a home......
So, why is it well with my soul? Well, we have made a decision to leave SLU and all of our staff are moving to Baton Rouge. The thoughts of this town,the favorite eating spots, parks, the faces of students,all the beginnings of the ministry, cookouts, lives that have changed and those whose haven't.....it brings so much emotion.

I was reading through my journal of prayers that I had asked God to change the heart of girls who I have now been discipling for three-five years. What a joy and privilege! It's so easy to forget where God has brought us! I love that the Old Testament would always build an alter/monument to remind them of God's faithfulness.

In the entries I saw my heart and how I had so much passion. Where has it gone? Has it gone? I read some of the entries and it sounds like I want to "save" the world. Maybe my passion has matured some...I always refer to myself as Peter..... the one who was quick to speak, passionate, young --immature but through sanctification He will continue to strip away the sin that prevents me from serving Him out of a pure heart!

It wasn't well my soul last year at this time.....it wasn't HIS timing but it is now. He has gone before us! I can't wait to see what he has in store at LSU. Wow....we are going back to square one on a huge campus at age 30!! Whose parents are hanging out in the dorms! ha...

So, these next few months we are trusting God that He will provide a home for us, close to campus. I want a home with a big den so I can have lots of people in it!

This move will be bitter-sweet. I have loved this campus and the "small beginnings." The Bible says don't despise the small beginnings......oh, so true! God, thank you for the lives that you have brought from death to life! May you continue to change hearts, marriages, families, our nation, world through us all...as ambassadors of the Gospel!

*know this was long....this was for me.... :)

Here we go again!

2008-08-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

Well, we are about to evacuate thanks to GUSTAV! Fun Fun. Going to leave tomorrow to north Mississippi. So, needless to say.... I'll be blogging post and pictures from it. ....staying safe....

Go to sleep Jadyn!

2008-08-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

Some days Jadyn won't go to sleep! I walked in to her to room to check on her and there she stood with no clothes on! I just couldn't help but laugh.

Daddy and J reading.

I can't spell...... KO?

2008-08-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

So, Casey looks at my blog and points out all my misspellings! I am sorry.... I really never read over what I write.... I should....and if I did.... I still probably wouldn't notice!!

What a treat!

2008-08-23T13:23:00.001-07:00

For the past couple of weeks Jadyn has been waking up at normal time (7:00a.m). So, I tried getting her and putting her back in our bed. It's so funny. We don't even talk to her we just put her in the bed with us and put our backs to her. She goes back to sleep.

This morning she didn't wake up till 9:15! Casey took advantage and slept in and I got up and had a quiet cup of coffee! I cant remember when I have done that! So, needless to say....I hope it stays this way! Maybe not till 9:15 but at least 8:00!

Friends --- are worth it!

2008-08-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

If anyting I "caught" that was not "taught" to me by my parents was that they valued frindships. We would vacation with famlies, eat at each others houses, drop by without calling... So, I too love to do that as well and long for it more....a community

The Browns (who are good friends of ours/Crooms since 2000 when the came on staff with CO) drove from Birmingham to see the Crooms, Casey, Jadyn and me. It was so much fun to just laugh and be with "old" friends. We got babysitters (free babysitters--our precious students serve us all the time by watching our kids) for Friday and Saturday night!

We went out to eat Friday night and then Saturday night we cooked out at our house while the kids were at Crooms house two doors down. Can i say fun and fueling! Every now and then I wonder where the kids were....it was so quiet. :)

It really boils down to we have to make sacrifices if we value friendships....whether it means spend money you don't have to go out,cook out, pedicures, aquarium, getting babysitters, take off work, drive 5 hours with three kids (one who is nursing)...... it's WORTH IT!

Friends are worth it.

Jadyn Tree

2008-08-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

This is a tree that was planted when Jadyn was born. We gave it to Casey's mom for mother's day. It's so crazy how much time is flying by with Jadyn. Just this week she doesn't use her passy "pappy" and she's almost potty trained. It's so sweet yet sad seeing her run around in her panties! I could write more but honestly don't know where to start....another time...

Fun Pics

2008-08-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

2008-06-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

The family!

How I love these two people!!!! As much as the ocean!

I found one! She would show me every shell!

Daddy and Jadyn finding sea-shells. This was so much fun to watch them two. These are those times that you want to remember forever. Pure joy!

This is a wipe in Jadyn's hand. She doesn't want to get dirty!

Infertility

2008-06-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

I took the time to type this out because it ministered to my soul so much. I wanted to share it because it challenged me so too. I hope it challenges you. She literally says what I feel.

The True Woman by Susan Hunt
Reflecting Redemption when dealing with INFERTILITY

“Children. I want children. Not just a baby. Not just a child. I want children. Three of them……To no avail. No children. Not one pregnancy. I have never experienced that wonder of knowing that there is a life inside of me. Instead, there is a longing that will not be filled, that will not be diminished, that will not end this side of heaven without children to fill it.

Nothing else in my life has been as baffling to me as not being able to conceive a child. My emotions hide even from myself, spilling out in tears of sadness or anger at the most inopportune tiems. There have been no days of real clarity, no times when a light has come on to show they way—not even a little. But the mysterious and marvelous mercy of God has convinced me of one thing in all of this—it is dark because I am in that deep, hidden place under God’s wing.

Certainly, the inability to bear children to the glory of God is due to the sinfulness of sin and its effect on all of life. It is not that God punishes us by not allowing us to give birth to the offspring we most desperately desire. It is rather that we, along with all of creation, suffer the wretched consequences of the sin of our first mother and father, Adam and Eve, compounded by the sin all the sinners who have come after them. And that, of course, is all of us.
I know that as that with all of life, I must not put my trust in anything other than God, even in the provision of a child. This does not mean that I may not use medical intervention to try to conceive a child. It does not mean that adoption is not an option to pursue. Rather, I trust that God in His mercy has given us these means as part of His redemption from the effects of the Fall.

God has rescued me from a such a desperate place and has given me such a glorious glimpse of Himself that I want, with all that is within me, to see this passed on to the next generation of my family, my children.

My heart cries out, “why, O God, will you not answer this prayer?” Why will you not do this simple thing for me and for your own names sake? You do it for so many so easily. You give children to those who will never teach them about Your marvelous grace. Why not to me? With thoughts like these, it is easy to fall into deep despair, and at times I certainly do. When this happens, God in His time and His various graceful ways, comes to me to remind me that I am not alone.

He does not, as so many do, tell me that ‘my time will come.’ He does not say that I will just relax and not try so hard, everything will be okay. He does not say “If you adopt a baby, you will get pregnant.’ He weeps with me as Jesus wept for Lazarus. He reminds me that He is good and that He can be trusted with my heart. Any doubt of that was wiped away at the Cross.
He has given His best to me, His own beautiful, beloved Child. Will He withhold any good thing from me? No. Never. Is Jesus enough to make up for this aching void in my soul? I do not always feel that it so. But it is. Jesus loves—this I know.” --Debbie Trickett, Atlanta, GA

Pineapple Willies

2008-06-02T19:45:00.000-07:00

Beach Olympics

2008-06-02T19:40:00.000-07:00

Jadyn, Streed, and Ella were having a blast in the sand watching all the students play games.

Summer Beach Project

2008-06-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

Well, this is our home(in the background). We are staying here for 8 weeks. We usually go home after 4 weeks and give the project to lead to our students. However, we are trying something new this summer where our staff are staying and leading the discipleship groups. I really think it will make a difference back on our campuses.

These are our Southeastern students. One guy and nine girls!

No

2008-06-02T18:55:00.001-07:00

Well, I know that some of you may be wondering what's the latest with fertility. The answer is NO, not pregnant for the 5th cycle. I really don't know what to say but I am sad. I am confused. I am burdened. I am numb.
It truly passes through my thoughts daily and numerous time through the day that I am not pregnant.... along with so many other thoughts...but
God has given me GRACE. I read today where God told Solomon in I Kings that he had given him more than Solomon had asked for. I couldn't help but think of what God has given me that I haven't asked for.... He has been so good to me. Family, husband, life, health, home,training, mentors, heart to know Him, salvation...the list goes on.....
My heart longs so much for a another child to love, a sibling for Jadyn but I am not 90 years old ..maybe it will happen.
I am taking a physical, emotional, and financial break from it all.

Here we go again...

2008-05-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

Well, we started our 5th cycle this week. We debated about doing another cycle, but the money was provided and it worked out perfect before we leave for the summer.

I am honestly numb about it. I was praying to the Lord today. I feel like I haven't prayed about this cycle like the other cycles. However, I know He is "El Roi" the God who sees. So, he knows my heart and my longings. Yet, I know he commands me to pray too. So, I was praying about God being the creator of the earth and quoted the scripture I have taught Jadyn "in the beginning God created heaven and earth." Then I went to the scriptures today and He gave me the same sweet words I was praying...... (El Roi)
"happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that this is in them, who keeps truth forever. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord raises those who are bowed down." ps 146

These verses just challenged me to remember who is in control. Who is the maker of all things.

As I gave myself three shoots tonight, Jadyn would say,"mommy, what you doing?" "Giving myself a shot." She would say, "oh, ok" My heart just broke...why does it have to be this way for me? This is not fun "making a baby." Those are my thoughts and feelings but they pass.
The truth is that life could be allot worse! So many people can't afford to do fertility or adopt and their arms are empty. Mine aren't. :) Thank you Lord!

Back to Normal!

2008-05-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

Really, thank you so much for your suggestions. I was so glad to hear them! Ya'll all were right. battle of the will! It was just a phase and she is going back to sleep again. I can live! Last night I bawled my eyes out as I layed her down because it was such a sweet time. Even though I want to scream in the day... sometimes at night I don't want to lay her down. Especially, when she is so sweet and wants to kiss!

She isn't doing crib time (where she used to would play for an hour), but I got the timer back out and put it on 15 min. She pretty much cried the whole time. So, when the timer went off... I came in and I said, "did you have fun in your crib?" She said," yes!" (no she didn't) I said, "what did you play with?" She began to list all the things in the crib that were totally not touched in the tubs! ha ha...thought that was funny.....
Anywho....living and learning as a mom!!!!

Help!! Moms!

2008-05-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Jadyn is totally been on babywise since she was 8 weeks old! Naps and night-time have been a piece of cake.....until this past weekend. She literally screams saying she doesn't want to nap or go to sleep. I mean I am spanking the kid to go to sleep. AHHHHH it's horrible....She wants a toy or a book. So, I give it to her "not that one...something else" ...yes, she is playing me. She even wakes up in the night to do this. Did your two year olds go through this??? After screaming....she goes to sleep. help?

2008-04-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

For some reason Jadyn starts laughing after the picture is taken!

This was in Dothan at Casey's cousin's wedding.

Turning 30!

2008-04-13T11:32:00.001-07:00

Obviously I don't work on this blog AT ALL! Don't make the time nor have the time! How do you mom's do it?

Well, it's no different day...I am just older. I was hoping that my birthday present would be that I was pregnant.
However, the Lord has chosen to say, "no' or "wait" for the last four costly cycles of injections that we have done. Two cycles ago I did get pregnant but than I miscarried because my levels were so low.
I know God is good and He does not sleep. He is "El Roi" the God who sees. He knows my heart and my longings. He has given me a godly, wonderful husband and a precious, beautiful,fun-hearted daughter.
I truly have to make a "will choice" to not compare my life to my fertile friends (who I love) but compare to those who suffer with throat cancer or those with no hope or those who lost their child at birth....those circumstances bring me contentment. (these things have happened are happening to some of my friends/family)
As the song says..." I chose to say blessed be thy name."
My heart does hurt and I long for a second child more than anything. I want Jadyn to have a sibling. However, our "undivided" time together is priceless.
My thoughts that I battle are..."am I not a good mother?" Do you not know ,Lord, that I will raise children to honor and love you?" BUT intellectually I know that God 's thoughts are higher than my thoughts.
HE is showing me HIS character, grace and love. I would not have know this if I had not gone through all of this and during the pre-Jadyn time.
Casey so encourages me to look at the college girls lives that I disciple and it does encourage to me to see the labor in their lives........it does....but you moms know it's not the same. :)
As I prayed this morning...."Lord, I pray 30 years from now when I am 60 that my life will glorify you." Jadyn will be almost 33 years old....wow... oh, how I long for her to love God/people more than I do.